Confessions Of A Mad Black Man

this eleventh day of the fourth month

My apologies for the hiatus… I needed to get out and experience life a little so I can chance upon a new discovery. And I did! It is a discovery that will revolutionize dating as we know it today.

I’m calling for a rule change. Beginning an intimate relationship with someone is a challenging, yet rewarding process. Everyone has boundaries to which their date must adhere, otherwise things can get uncomfortable quickly. Thus it is impossible gauge how to respond to your date during some critical moments. I therefore am creating revised Rules of Engagement for the preliminary dates.

I have always believed and still maintain that throughout history, women have had incredible power during the preliminary stages of a relationship. Courtship dates as far back as medieval times, where a knight in shining armor would play his lute and serenade a lucky maiden. Women then had the power to veto… outright reject the knight and his corny lute playing. Back then however, that’s the only power women had in a relationship; if she said yes, then it was the knight’s responsibility to carry the relationship further. Today’s women however have exercised their right for more control over their person and they have won big time. In addition to veto power, women have also (thankfully) eradicated sexual assault, rape, and at least in westernized countries, arranged marriages, from standard practice, and have more autonomy than ever (and hopefully this trend continues to evolve!).

Fast forward to today, it doesn’t matter how much I’m infatuated with a woman; if she says she’s not interested, it’s game over. However, the rule I wish to change is a power that the modern woman now possesses but often a time does not take advantage of it. The rule I’m talking about is the First Kiss Rule.

According to “Man Law” article 17, section 3, part 6a, it states:

“if a man has not secured a kiss goodnight with his date by the third date, where a date is defined by an intimate face to face encounter between only the man and the woman, the relationship shall be relegated to the friends zone, and he shall forfeit physical intimacy with her unless she expresses interest in renewing the relationship, or provokes an intimate encounter.”

As I understand it, women have a similar rule, which means if there is no kiss by date three, the relationship dies as a stalemate. However the first kiss is always this awkward moment. Should I stop? Should I go? Is it the right time? Does she like me? The process is too complicated. So I move to revise the current confusion by creating a rule that states simply “women are responsible for delivering the first kiss.”

If the power of veto goes to the woman, then she should have a good idea about how she feels about the guy she’s with. Thus, I think her power in the initial stages of a relationship should solely be her responsibility. This would instantly eliminate confusion. See, one would be hard pressed to find a guy who wouldn’t do something like “Hi, I’m Mark… ** kiss kiss kiss *** We’ve seen this scenario countless times at a club, haven’t we? And in the club or bar scenario, it is the woman’s choice to make out with the man, so why not extend this notion into serious dating?

For those concerned with losing the spontaneity, well fret not. This rule change only applies to the first kiss. After that, the rules are fine the way they are. The new rule only ends confusion on first kiss protocol, but it does nothing to ease the awkwardness of it =)